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I Lost a Friend Today



I knew her in high school. She was in my grade, only a few months older, beautiful, outgoing, and confident. She had a clear and smooth singing voice. I admired her. I envied the way she carried herself and how she seemed to have life so organized and all figured out; I wanted the stability and assuredness she possessed.

We were very similar in some ways: we were creative and romantics, dreamers in love with Lucy Maud Montgomery's beautiful books. And, it seems, we shared a secret, dark, lonely place of depression, loneliness, and uncertainty. I struggled, forcing myself to keep moving forward, one day at a time. Some days are still difficult, but I have found the path into the light. Today, she gave up.

My heart aches for this gorgeous woman, for her husband and family who are struggling with confusion, guilt, and pain. Please keep them in your hearts, thoughts, and prayers.

Depression is very real. It is painful and lonely and suffocating, and the world feels as if it is caving in on you. But you are not alone. You are NOT alone. You are not alone in your suffering, and you do not have to be alone in finding a way out. You - yes, you, you beautiful, magnificent being - are endlessly, hugely loved; you deserve every happiness; you deserve life. The guilt, heartache, loneliness, and hurt can be released. There are answers, and the black veil can be lifted. Yes, even for you, my dear. Call the number below, or write anonymously at Postsecret Community. If you feel you can, reach out to a family member or friend and tell them that you need their help.

1 - 800 - 442 - HOPE
Trained individuals are available 24/7

You deserve to wake up every morning to the sun. You deserve to make decisions about what you want to do tomorrow, and next month, and next year. You deserve to do what you love, to watch the spring bloom around you, to go on adventures and to daydream. You deserve to give yourself a chance to find your way out of the dark, deep hole that seems to have no escape, and others deserve to have a chance to show you just how much they love you. Please, give them that chance.

1 - 800 - 442 - HOPE
Trained individuals are available 24/7

Call this number if you ever feel as if you are losing the struggle to continue forward. Call if you're unsure if you "qualify". Call if you feel lonely, or sad, or if you don't know how you feel. The people on the other end are available 24/7 and love you deeply, deeply, deeply, and will hold you and guide you into the light. I promise.

Some more resources:
* National Suicide Hotline:
1-800-273-TALK (24/7)
1-800-SUICIDE (24/7)

13 comments:

  1. Oh sweetheart, I'm so very sorry that she gave up the fight. My thoughts are with her friends and family. Big hug. xxx

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  2. I'm so sorry Ingrid. Sending lots of love.

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  3. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Ingrid. Holding everyone involved in my thoughts and prayers.

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  4. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Ingrid. I know all too well the horror of losing someone close to you to suicide.

    Sending lots of love and big hugs to you. xo

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  5. I'm so very sorry about your friend. I've been in that dark place and I know how difficult it can be to find the light. I'll be keeping everyone in my prayers.

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  6. So sorry to hear of your loss but through her struggle you are sharing the word and helping others find the light. Lots of light to you!

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  7. ingrid, you have so much love in your heart, i'm sorry that your friend could not find a way out. your links and phone numbers could help someone do just that. it is true, each person deserves to wake up to the sun.

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  8. I'm so sorry! I feel for her and for her family and for you and everyone in whose heart she is. I lost a friend to suicide 2 and a half years ago. Sometimes when I'm feeling really down it feels like she is very close to me and then it feels like I'm getting up and going on for both of us. Depression is such a strange thing and I wish I could figure it out, find a "cure" (mainly in my own interest:))

    Lots of love!

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  9. I am so so sorry for your loss, to everyones loss. To not have such a beautiful girl in this world is really sad.

    I have councelled several people who has felt to much pain and suffering and wanted to give up working as a psyciatric nurse. And as you say here, never ever ever give up. Breath thru the pain and try try the hardest to take one step at a time. Even one hour at a time...Be in the present, live now, right now and breath,,And reach out to someone. There is love in the world and many who would help in a heartbeat. So wonderful that you share support groups and phone numbers. We are all loved, we are all special. Many many loving thoughts to you all ♥...

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  10. Oh, so sad for you and your friend's family. You have done a good thing posting numbers for getting help. Did you know that May is Mental Health Month?

    Take care of yourself.

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  11. I am so sad for her and her family. I hope they will be all right.

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  12. thank you so much for your thoughts and kind words, my loves.

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  13. I'm so incredibly sorry. I've been in both places -- where your friend was, and where you are. Neither is a place of happiness, and even though I've been in both places, I don't have magic words. The best I can say is, your friend very very very likely knew you were there, but nothing could stop them. Darkness is strong.

    What you wrote for others, for whom the darkness hasn't taken total hold, is the absolute best thing you could have done.

    Bless you.

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