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Reflections on 2010


Hello once again, lovelies! Happy New Year! I hope that your holidays were magical and that you are jumping into 2011 with exuberance and sparkling eyes.

I've tried several times in the past few days to begin this post. The new year has arrived and we are already midway through January, yet my mind is still in 2010. I have come to realize that, in order to move forward and to be able to properly embrace the future, I must be more honest with myself, both in the real world and in this space.

You see, the past few months things have not been happy ones – in fact, they have been very dark and difficult. In an attempt to think positively and to refrain from bogging others down with my troubles, I have neglected to bring these frustrations into this space. I feel, however, that I am not representing myself accurately, and have found that my ability to blog has been completely blocked; trying to a faux picture of myself (an eternally happy, positive, growing self) while feeling less than okay is damaging and bars my ability to be creative. I have realized that to try to completely ignore the negative is just as harmful as succumbing to it; as always, balance is the key.

The year 2009 was one of imprisonment. I felt confined, stuck, and smothered in my town and my life, unable to help myself or to find a way to escape. This past year has been entirely different; my everyday reality has gone from inertia to ever-increasing, overwhelming momentum. Within a single year I have moved from home to a new city to a new state, fought countless obstacles, experienced extreme emotional highs and lows, and have plunged once again into the academic world. My family is shifting and has been a huge source of strain; my mother is engaged and has just moved in with her fiancé, and I have had to move with her - my home has disappeared and struggling to readjust has become a constant in my life. A difficult past has complicated matters and causes emotions to run very high.

Life has gone from zero to sixty so quickly that I am still trying to process things that happened months ago. I have been unable to paint, journal, or take photos due to my academic workload and preoccupation with a incredibly complicated and dysfunctional personal life, and there were moments where I was under such mental strain that I became physically ill. In general, 2010 caused many tears and has left me feeling raw, vulnerable, and fragile.

Challenging moments are a part of life, but acknowledging the negative things releases me from them. In being more honest with myself and others while refusing to dwell on dark days allows me to move forward into the sunlight and adopt a fresh, clear perspective - for the time being, at least.

Ahhh. I feel better already. Here's to a new beginning!

8 comments:

  1. Sometimes you just have to put it out there in order to be able to release it and start the process of letting go. I'm so sorry you experienced such a difficult time over the last couple of years, here's wishing that 2011 fills your days with light and laugher, sending a virtual hug your way because we could all use one once in a while. x

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  2. Sorry things haven't been going to well for you. You can come live with me in Missouri if you like. It's terribly boring, but there's no drama, heh! Here's to a better new year!

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  3. I'm sorry to hear the past few months have been so difficult for you. Being stressed and overwhelmed really takes a toll on you, more than I think some people realize. I've been struggling a lot too lately and I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard. Keep pushing forward -- take time for yourself, find the moments of pause, and give to yourself.

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  4. Thank you for being honest.

    It sounds like we all do the same things, rather than let our blogging world see our bad days, we hide. And like hiding from the creepy noise you thought you heard at the other end of the house - it can only make it worse.

    Good luck working through it, and positive or negative, we do listen. Keep writing.

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  5. I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling, but you are also incredibly wise in your honesty and your perspective. Here's to better days -- for all of us!

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  6. I'm sorry to hear that you are and having been going through a difficult time lately, Ingrid. Please make some time for yourself to do the things you love to do, even if it means playing hooky from your responsibilities for a day.

    I'm glad to see an update from you to know that overall you are okay, you are still alive, and you are still filled with hope.

    Please continue to keep us updated on your life because we all care for you so much.

    Bless.

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  7. Writing is good, it is healing and it helps you think even when you can't really process or understand.

    I am selfishly happy that you are showing up here in blogland - a sign of life, even if it is to reveal that your life is difficult. It is okay that it is, and it will change to the better. 2011 is here and it will be a good year.

    Hope you have support close by, and if not, you have it from afar! Ang find some time to be creative, you need it. your soul needs it.

    *hugs*

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  8. It's nice to hear from you, love! I'm sorry you've had a hard time lately - I agree that it's so much easier to keep up with blogging when things are going well! Don't worry, we won't be mad if it's not all sunshiney and positive. You have created such a lovely space here and it's sad to see you missing from it!

    Thank you for your honesty, I'm sending you virtual hugs and hoping this year begins a little bit brighter than the year you just left.

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